Table Assembly Instructions — Nixon Coffee

I was assembling the lower shelf. I had the bracket in one hand and the screw in the other. Everything was going smoothly. I looked down at my watch.

If the table stands firm? You have won the election. You pour a whiskey (or a ginger ale) and stare out the window at the Chesapeake Bay. After three hours, a lot of sweating, and one unconfirmed report of a stripped screw in the Southeast corner, the Nixon Coffee Table was built. nixon coffee table assembly instructions

Happy building. And remember: Have you ever assembled a piece of furniture that felt like a political scandal? Tell me about your "Ikea-gate" in the comments below! I was assembling the lower shelf

Is it sturdy? No. Is it ethical? Probably not. Does it have a dark, polished finish that hides the stains of red sauce from last night's pizza? Absolutely. I looked down at my watch

Here is what I learned from trying to build democracy... I mean, furniture , the Nixon way. The first step reads: "Inventory all parts before beginning. Do not trust the pictures. The pictures lie."

"Look, I am not a handyman. But I am a patriot. I bought this table. I kept it on the floor. And I am not going to return it just because one leg is 2mm shorter than the others. That dog... that little cocker spaniel on the rug... the kids love that table."

I have no memory of what happened during that time. Did I assemble it correctly? Did I strip the threading? The world may never know. I call it "plausible deniability." Step 7 is brutal. It tells you to flip the table over onto its feet.