“You called our relationship an ROI,” I said. “You mock my family. You make me feel like I am too much and not enough at the same time.”

Our first romance storyline was textbook. He courted me the old-fashioned way: ligaw with pan de sal at my doorstep, long walks in Intramuros, a Spotify playlist titled “Rebecka’s Constellations.” I told myself this was the plot twist I deserved after a decade of unreliable situationships.

But the real fracture came when I found the messages. Not another woman—worse. A group chat with his expat friends where he called Filipinas “practical” and said our relationships were “good ROI if you play the long game.” ROI. Return on investment. He was talking about me.

That question destroyed me. Because the truth is, I had never believed it. Growing up Filipina meant learning that love was sacrifice. My mother gave up her teaching career for my father. My Lola raised seven children alone after Lolo found a younger woman. The women in my family loved like martyrs. I was just following the recipe.

But Jamie’s storyline was different. She showed me that romance doesn’t have to be a battlefield. That love can be a garden—messy, yes, but also generative. She and Dina argued about dishes, but never about worth. They fought, but never with weapons from the past.

“He loves me like a transaction. And the worst part? Part of me wonders if he’s right. Maybe all love here is a transaction. Maybe I am just a girl who learned to trade her softness for stability.”

I started writing a different kind of diary entry: