“I was going to talk about the refugee crisis,” she said, squinting into the sun. “But honestly? I’m sixteen. I just broke up with my boyfriend because he said my ankles were ‘too bony.’ My math grade is a three. And last night, I ate a entire jar of pickled tomatoes and had a nightmare that my left buttock had achieved sentience and was running for local office.”
Welcome to the first annual “Candid Miss Teen Crimea Naturist” pageant—a competition that its founder, 74-year-old retired philosophy professor and avid nudist Dmitri Volkov, insists is “neither a pageant, nor about nudity, but about the truth of self .” Candid Miss Teen Crimea Naturist
“We don’t want a beauty queen,” explains head judge Olena, a retired dancer who wears only a stopwatch and a whistle. “We want a girl who has forgotten she is being watched.” “I was going to talk about the refugee
The audience of two dozen sunbathers and a stray dog fell silent. I just broke up with my boyfriend because